Attachment Styles
Understanding how we connect
Attachment styles describe how we bond, trust, and feel safe in relationships.
They form in early childhood, based on our experiences with caregivers — but they can continue to affect how we relate to partners, friends, family, and even our own children.
Attachment styles are not labels or diagnoses.
They are simply patterns — and patterns can change with awareness, safety, and support.
There are four main attachment styles:
Attachment Styles
Secure Attachment
Avoidant Attachment
Anxious Attachment
What it looks like:
Comfortable giving and receiving love
Good at communicating needs
Can trust others
Can tolerate closeness and independence
Recovers from conflict more easily
What helps develop it:
Consistent care
Feeling seen, soothed, and understood
Having needs met most of the time
Message of secure attachment:
👉 “I am safe. I am loved. I can rely on people.”
Anxious Attachment
Avoidant Attachment
Anxious Attachment
What it looks like:
Sensitive to changes in relationships
Worries about being “too much” or abandoned
Needs reassurance
Feels unsettled when connection feels uncertain
What often causes it:
Caregivers who were loving but inconsistent
Sometimes available, sometimes not
Inner message:
👉 “Will you stay? Do you really care?”
Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant Attachment
Disorganised Attachment
What it looks like:
Independent and self-reliant
Finds closeness uncomfortable
Keeps emotions private
May push others away without meaning to
What often causes it:
Growing up with emotionally distant or overwhelmed caregivers
Learning to cope alone
Inner message:
👉 “I can only depend on myself.”
This person needs:
Space
Respect for independence
Gentle, patient connection
Disorganised Attachment
Remember: Attachment Styles Can Change
Disorganised Attachment
(Sometimes called “fearful-avoidant”)
What it looks like:
Wants closeness but fears it
Difficulty trusting others
May feel overwhelmed in relationships
Push-pull behaviour (come close / pull away)
What often causes it:
Early experiences of chaos, fear, or trauma
Caregivers who were both comforting and frightening
Inner message:
👉 “I want connection, but it doesn’t feel safe.”
Remember: Attachment Styles Can Change
Remember: Attachment Styles Can Change
Remember: Attachment Styles Can Change
Your attachment style is not fixed.
With supportive relationships, therapy, self-awareness, and emotional safety, people can move toward secure attachment.
Healing looks like:
Feeling safer with closeness
Understanding your needs
Learning healthier communication
Trusting others and yourself
Feeling calm, not anxious or avoidant, in connection
This is possible at any age.
Attachment and Parenting
Remember: Attachment Styles Can Change
Remember: Attachment Styles Can Change
Your attachment style
Your attachment style can influence how you parent Your attachment style can influence how you parent —
but learning about attachment helps you create safety and security for your child.
Secure attachment grows through:
Being present
Listening
Repairing after conflict
Emotional warmth
Being “good enough,” not perfect
Children don’t need perfect parents — they need attuned ones.